Members of Amidaji - Shaku Hojun (Russia)

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 Greetings. My Dharma name is Hōjun 法 遵 (One who follows the Way of the Dharma).

I was born on the 9th of February in 1997 in Krasnoyarsk, Russia. I had gone a long way to the Dharma Path before I became a member of Amidaji International Temple. This is the short story of my life towards the Dharma Path.

My story started when I was 4 years old. I realized myself as a human being who was born once and going to die at last. I asked myself about the life and its meaning, but didn’t know where to find from. Many Russians traditionally are baptized in Russian Orthodox Church so was I.

I was very scared during my baptizing and cried a lot. It was noisy and the priest was very strict for me then. I was not explained about what was going on then. I learnt a few definitions about Christianity, Trinity, Sins, Judgment Day, Hell and Paradise. There were many doubts about that way of world view. Not having known about Buddhism, I asked myself the right questions according to my point of view: “Whom was I in the previous life or was the life before my birth?”, “Why is there so much evil in the world?”, “Why are there so many poor and rich people at the same time?”, “Why are there so many ill people, especially children?” and “What If my faith is wrong and I am going to hell according to Abrahamic mythology?”. Those questions made me suffer so much like I was one step close to hell. I had anxiety whole my childhood and youth as I was asking to my parents and relatives about Orthodox Christianity, but didn’t receive any answers. That time I understood that my family is traditionally Christian but not the true one.

When I was 13 years old I started to study Abrahamic religions and its branches: Christianity, Islam, etc. I though the Truth was somewhere among them and I had to find out. I read Bible and Quran, comparing them to each other I tried to find the Truth. But how can I find the Truth if I don’t even know what Truth is about and how it is supposed to be in reality? I had sincere intentions to find the absolute Truth. There can’t be two suns up in the sky as there can’t be two or more Truths in life itself. So, as you see, the topic became more difficult for me to understand. It had been for 5 years of studying before I got disappointed, not having found the answers.

Once I heard about Buddhism. It seemed for me both very difficult in practicing and very interesting to learn. But as I had failed in searching the Truth before, I became deeply depressed. I started to listen to Black Metal music and learn Occultism, Satanism, Gnosticism and different other destructive ideologies which related to Death cult. In that period of time Death became the purpose and the meaning of my life. As the death is inevitable and eternal, therefore it is the Truth, thus I thought. Everything was colored in Blackest and Darkest things in my life. I lost people I loved. Some of my relatives died. It was very difficult for me to stand that way alone. I got more depressed every day that I committed a few suicide attempts. After I survived, I saw how bad and good things just go in circles. The life was literally Hell for me. I felt blind, broken, forbidden and cursed. It lasted for 6 years.

At the end of 2020, I was hard working at the Covid Hospital (so-called Red Zone). I saw many people die, I had to pack deceased people in the black bags. I talked with some of them before their death, and one old lady, lying in the bed and grabbing my hand, once said to me: “I can’t stand it at all. I want to die. I feel alone. I grab your hand not even knowing you personally. I remember myself young and beautiful and wanted by different boys, but now, closing to death, I am absolutely alone and broken. My children don’t even care for me. Life went too fast.” Her words touched my heart very deeply. Nevertheless, I was still in the bad state of mind, like nothing has changed. Only suffering, disappointment and eternal death. I saw nothing but pain and death in agony. I was falling into abyss, dissolving to pieces. I forgot who I am. Head went round and round.

The night of sincerity. Being deeply depressed, I was close to another suicide attempt. I felt it like in the nightmare of the past. It was in winter night 2021, when I lay down on the floor and started crying. I didn’t know whom to address. I looked up in the sky full of stars and started praying: “Please, save me, whoever You are, but the True One. I don’t know Your name, so, please, appear to me, show me the way, save me from this hell.”. Two months later I found Pure Land Buddhism. I knew a few things about it. Then I started searching if there are people who can explain to me the teaching as a member of this Buddhist Path. I met Shingyo (Jodo Shinshu Buddhist of the Amidaji branch) on internet and asked him to explain the teaching. He was glad to tell everything he knew. Moreover, he answered a lot of the questions that I hadn’t been able to get before. The more he told me the more I understood what I had prayed for. Amida showed me the way I was looking for my whole life. He is the Savior, who saves sentient beings no matter how blind and evil they are. The black clouds of my mind were scattered by Amida’s Light. I felt more and more warmer in my heart and soul. Another thing I learned was that  importance of good karma from the past that makes us open to Amida and the Power of Amida himself.  He wishes us to be born in His Pure Land. It is a very rare opportunity in this Samsara to come closer to salvation. And I knew that I can’t help myself, but Amida does it for us by himself. I asked Shingyo how to become an official member of Amidaji. He said to write a massage to Rev. Josho Adrian Cirlea, who is the Sensei of Amidaji orthodox branch of Pure Land Buddhism.

I sent a message to him, asking to become a member of Amidaji. On the 11th of June 2021, I received kieshiki (refuge ceremony) from Rev. Josho. I’ve never met such a religious person before. His eyes full of kind love and compassion put me at ease. It was a very productive conversation. He always smiled which made me glad and calm. During the sacrament I felt the presence of Amida Buddha and Shakyamuni Buddha. I never felt like this before. I felt safety and happy. The great Compassion of Amida Buddha showed me the Truth. I am eternally grateful to Amida Buddha, our Masters, our Sensei and Shingyo. I am deeply thankful to Rev. Josho for his hard work and guidance. I am very happy that Amida saves me and grateful to be a member of Orthodox Jodo Shinshu Buddhism.