Here
is the story of Koshin Samuel Jacob Weaver who found my books and entrusted
himself to Amida Buddha while serving 25 years in jail. I offer teachings and
spiritual guidance to anybody, no matter who they are and what they did. Amida
is the Buddha of Unhindered Light who reaches the darkest places and darkest
minds, embracing and saving everybody without discrimination. Namo Amida Bu
*
Like most people in the state of Utah, I was raised within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormon Church).
When I was a young man my mother and I moved to a small home on the outskirts of Bangalore, India. Having lived in that house for some time, I was exposed to Vaisnava Hinduism and soon began to grow curious regarding the nature of religion, most especially Vedic culture.
Years later – living in Utah once more – my curiosity regarding various expressions of religiosity began to turn into an obsession, and I soon began searching for the meaning of existence in as many places as I could. Around the age of 11, I fell into darker paths and soon proclaimed myself to be a "Satanist".
Simultaneously I continued to engage myself in the study of several world religions and their numerous denominations, with various branches of schismatic doctrines and theology, whilst also committing myself to the practice of Dark Occultism, yielding my mind and devotion to various entities which stalk about in the shadows.
Some years later, around the age of 14, I established a Satanic cult in my high school, having fashioned a unique set of doctrines and beliefs. Having a distaste, at this time, for certain cultures and peoples, I also preached Neo-Nazism to anyone who would listen.
Soon thereafter, when my evangelistic fervor increased, I was arrested in Cedar City, Utah, on false allegations of threatening to harm certain young ladies in a ritualistic sacrifice. While being interrogated, I refused to reveal any names of those who sympathized with my cult.
After getting out of Juvenile prison I studied Islam and later abandoned my racist mentality. However, being only 15 at this time and being still consumed with self-hatred, depression, self-harm, etc., I soon became involved with more "conservative" Sunni Muslims whom I had met at the local masjid (mosque), and I was soon rearrested for plans to commit terrorism.
From juvenile prison I was moved to a mental asylum for youth. Over the next several years I would be committed to several mental hospitals in two different states (Utah and Kansas). I met many beautiful and amazing people during my sojourns in these asylums, and the effect these fellow youth had upon my mind influences me greatly even to this day.
Later on, a week or so after my 18th birthday, I abandoned my mother in the middle of the night and became homeless by choice, travelling six hours south of Provo, Utah, to Cedar City once more. I abided in Cedar City for a while, remaining homeless and in modest circumstances, as I feared for what I might do if I stayed in Provo any longer. The infectious hatred of radicalized Islam had continued to fester within my mind, and thus I had intended to harm many people at a large Christmas event in Salt Lake City, Utah. After being approached by the FBI for information regarding terrorist contacts I had, I feared that they were watching me even more closely than they had been when I was younger. This fear drove me away from my home and into homelessness.
With the money I gained from giving information to the FBI I bought a bus ticket to Kansas and was arrested again soon thereafter (this being about 3-4 weeks after my 18th birthday).
In prison I began studying religion again and soon discovered the Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali. This is the book which saved my life, I, having already attempted suicide twice in the first year of my incarceration on account of having to do 22-25 years behind bars.
I, like all of my peers in all the various places whereat I had lived, had always perceived religion to be merely a belief system and nothing more. The Yoga Sūtras showed me that there IS a goal to human existence and a step-by-step method to achieving it.
I continued my studies and soon thereafter a fellow prisoner who had previously despised me, suddenly changed his demeanor and gave me an address to write to for free Buddhist literature. I wrote to the address and received several books on Pure Land Buddhism, a school of Buddhism which I knew nothing of.
I eagerly read through the material I had received and was soon deeply impressed by the information contained therein. I soon understood that unless I achieved rebirth into Sukhavati, my next rebirth would be uncertain. I then began saying Nembutsu as much as I could.
I continued my studies and eventually found Jodo Shinshu and a couple years later I discovered the teachings of Rev. Josho Adrian Cirlea. I read the scriptures and commentaries again and again until I finally entrusted myself to Amida Buddha.
Burdened by evil as I am, I cannot afford to leave my future in the hands of my own self-effort. I am not moral or pure like the great Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. I cannot hope to attain enlightenment by the Path of Sages. I want to help people instead of hurting them, and rebirth into the Pure Land is the only way to ensure that I will attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all beings.
How grateful I am that this physical prison has led to my spiritual liberation.
I am eternally indebted to Amida Buddha and to all the exalted Masters of Jodo Shinshu.
I am very thankful to Josho Sensei for his kindness and mercy in teaching one as fallen as I am.
There is no other way for us to attain enlightenment in this Dharma-Ending Age except to entrust ourselves to Amida Buddha, say his name in faith, and desire to be reborn into Sukhavati.
Namo Amida Butsu!"
— Shaku Koshin
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