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| photo from a Buddhist marriage in Maharastra, India As you can see, I am not the only one who officiates Buddhist weddings |
Somebody
said:
“There has never been something as a Buddhist institution of "marriage". This is a Christian stuff. Marriage in Buddhism is a social institution and is different according to many Buddhist societies, in both space and time. King Bimbisara had more than one wife. Why the Buddha didn't denounce his behavior as immoral and adulterous? Both polyandry and polygamic are seen in traditional Buddhist societies.”
My answer:
I
always admitted the historical truth that during Buddha’s time there was no
religious marriage ceremony as Buddha or His monks did not officiate marriages.
There were not even priests like me who can marry during that time as monks did
not marry. Married monkhood/priesthood is a specific Jodo Shinshu invention and
accepted officially by all Japanese schools in the 19th century.
Also Buddhist wedding ceremonies are an adaptation to modern requirements. Such
adaptations started like 100 years ago (or more?) when various Buddhist
denominations invented a Buddhist marriage ceremony. I think Jodo Shinshu
started this in Japan but I am not sure. Why did they do that? Because there
was a request and an expectation from the people. There is nothing wrong with
inventing such a wedding ceremony and I am not the one who invented it so don't
blame me.
However, although Buddha did not create a wedding ceremony He gave clear advices to couples made of men and women. This is a fact! You can read His advices in this article (click here to read).
So again, I think it’s not wrong to invent a Buddhist marriage ceremony to help present day couples use this significant event in their life to focus more on the Dharma and vow that they will live their life according to Shakyamuni’s teaching. To make religious vows in front of the Buddha is an ancient custom, and a wedding ceremony is mainly this - a religious vow and an aspiration. Nothing wrong in this.
Yes, during Shakyamuni’s time there were also couples made of a man and more women. I do not remember Shakyamuni criticizing them but the advices quoted in this article (click here to read) were clearly offered to couples made of one man and one woman with the specification that they should be faithful to each other. He never gave couple advice to men and men or women and women or women and more husbands, so if we invent a Buddhist wedding ceremony (I repeat, I did not invented myself!) to help present day Buddhists we can do it on the doctrinal base of those couple advices given exclusively to men and women.
Of course, if you can find two or three women who agree to live with you as your wives voluntarily without fighting one another and without you lying them and if you can provide for them and take care of them equally as Shakyamuni instructed when He mentioned the duty of a husband, I do not think you do anything wrong 😀 But can you really do that? It’s already hard for many to have one mother in law, just imagine what will happen when you have two or three! That is a real problem! 😀
In
the same time I also do not find, and nobody can find, any passage in the Sutra
in the support of gay couples (or gay marriage) as I repeat, Shakyamuni only
gave advices to men and women. Also there are some clear indications on what
sexual misconduct is as I explained here, in this article (click here to read).
Many customs existed during Shakyamuni's time. Some He chose to criticize and on some He kept silence and did not encourage. Then He clearly gave advices about things that He considered important. This is how He came out with the specific instructions related to couples made of men and women. We, His disciples, don't need to copy the behavior of people living during His time, nor think to them as a standard of morality, but only pay attention to Shakyamuni's direct instructions. This is simple logic. What is good and bad, moral or immoral is what Shakyamuni said it is so, and not what people of that time or our times chose to do. No matter in which society we live in, Buddhist couples should accept Shakyamuni's advice offered to men and women. There is no problem if they cannot follow those advices as they are still saved by Amida as they are, but they should never deny them.
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PS 1: This is not the first time when I say that during Shakyamuni's time there were no formal religious weddings. Here we have another logical conclusion. Because there were no religious weddings during His time and still He gave advices to men and women who chose to be together, it means that Buddhist couples made out of men and women have the duties and responsibilities mentioned by Shakyamuni just because they chose to be together. I always say this to people - every couple are husband and wife, with the duties or husband and wife, no matter they made a religious or civil wedding. There is no difference between couples who chose to make a religious or civil wedding and those who did not. Men and women are actually married since they decided to be together. The marriage ceremony is a choice for those who want to make some symbolical gestures and vows to strengthen their decision to live together in peace and harmony.
PS 2: The Buddhist marriage is now accepted everywhere from India (see the photo above) to Europe, USA, Japan, Korea, etc. Also because of the pressure from LGBTQ and various ideological groups to impose the unnatural gay marriage on all religious institutions and the fact that the Jodo Shinshu temples in Buddhist Churches of America are doing many gay weddings, I think it is of paramount importance to counteract them by offering the natural option of marriage between man and woman. Actually, those who criticize me for making normal weddings are not using the same standard for gay weddings. Their problem is not that I do marriage ceremonies which almost all Buddhist communities nowadays do, but that I refuse to make gay weddings. Dishonesty and double standards are some of the main characteristics of many fake Buddhists nowadays.
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