Question by Shoshin: Dear Sensei, why
is it that despite my having entrusted myself to Amida (formally in Amidaji to
signify my sincerity), recited his name, and wished to be born in his Pure
Land, why is it that I have not felt any assurance of any kind at all up to
this time.
I
have listened to all your books, which I converted to audio your videos, every
day and night, over and over, and they are so wonderfully written, but all I
get is Amida is so silent, so distant, as if he did not exist.
I
need an experiential concrete assurance of rebirth in his Pure Land. Amida
seems so distant, so far away. If his light is that powerful why can it not
penetrate my thick obscurations no matter how encrusted they are of blind
passions?
Time
for me is running out because of my age and health issues, and I really need assurance
urgently that I shall be reborn in the Pure Land, but it all seems now like
blind faith. Why? I really want to go to the Pure Land. This sense of urgency
has never been so urgent for death could come anytime. Can you please help me?
Namo
Amida Bu
My answer: Dear Shoshin,
You
complain that you did not feel any experiential assurance. I have repeatedly
said in my books, articles, video teachings or direct instructions that faith is NOT a feeling. If you have faith in Amida Buddha then you simply know that
you’ve entrusted to Him and you trust that He will take you to His Pure Land
when you leave your physical body.
What
is there that you suppose to feel or need to feel? What can an unenlightened,
limited mind like yours or mine can actually supposed to feel? I am tired of so
many people wanting to feel something in relation with Amida and forget that
their mind is unenlightened, always prone to delusion and that many things they
feel or experience are actually illusions. This is why many nowadays people are
fooled by various spiritual charlatans or take drugs to enter into some kind of
altered state of mind.
I
am afraid that this hungry mind of yours will not take you anywhere because it
will never be satisfied no matter what it gets. This is the mindset of a hungry
ghost – not being satisfied with what he has – in your case, not satisfied with
the fact that Amida made His Primal Vow and manifested a Pure Land so easy to
access, and especially not satisfied that Shakyamuni Buddha taught about Amida and testified to His existence. For your mind the words and testimony of
Shakyamuni Buddha, Nagarjuna Vasubandhu, Shantao, Honen, Shinran are not enough
because you do not have a feeling! What you are actually doing is accusing
Shakyamuni Buddha and all the Masters of lying, because your hungry, unstable, unenlightened
mind does not get its feelings and special experiences!
If
you were a highly advanced Bodhisattva on one of the ten bhumis (stages), very
close to Enlightenment, you would feel many wonderful things, but you have
always been (in many lifetimes) a lazy spiritual person with no capacity for
constant effort and you still pretend Amida to make you feel things. The fact
that Shakyamuni Buddha and the Masters of the past testified about Him and His
salvation does not satisfy you, because you do not have special feelings! Then
go and practice ascetism, attain Samadhi and you will get your feelings and your
special experiences, but be careful that many Masters warned those who do self-power practices that if they get attached to their feelings and special experiences
then they can be easily mislead by Maras. Anybody who is not entrusting oneself
to Amida Buddha will be easily fooled by Maras or evil spirits who can give him
false samadhis and false spiritual experiences which will surely be more
pleasant than the everyday life one is supposed to have due to his karma.
Be
careful that this hunger for feelings and experiences will lead you astray and
make you an easy prey for various false teachers and spirits who are experts in
making you feel something nice but that comes in the same package with subtle
wrong views that will make you miss the chance to be born in the Pure Land. You
surely can’t afford this at your age when you are close to leaving your human
body which is so hard to get in many kalpas!
So,
come to your senses and realize that you have what you deserve. You made yourself
whatever you are and now you blame Amida or consider Him not worthy of trust
because He does not give you a feeling or experience? Why haven’t you worked
hard in your spiritual life or be virtuous enough so that you have better
karmic conditions and better spiritual experiences in your old age?
Your
assurance is the testimony of Shakyamuni Buddha and the many great Masters who
taught that Amida is a real living Buddha, His Pure Land a real enlightened
place and that His salvation is true and real. That is all you get at your low
spiritual level and you should say THANK YOU for this, instead of moaning and
complaining. It is time you make a choice, put your hunger for special feelings
aside and entrust to Amida because Shakyamuni Buddha and many Masters of the
past assured you that His salvation is true and real, or continue to moan and
complain that you do not get your feelings and special experiences. You decide!
Amida’s
Light is all powerful in the sense that it can penetrate everywhere and sterilize
the seeds of your karma which, without His help, would make you be reborn again
in samsara. But this Light is not all powerful in the sense that it cannot
enter close minds or minds that instead of being open to it, are hungry for
feelings and special experiences. No light can enter through closed windows or
through the windows of a hungry ghost spiritual mentality which is never satisfied
with what Amida offers to him, nor satisfied with the words of Shakyamuni
Buddha about Amida. Such a hungry ghost attitude will never be satisfied no matter
what it gets.
Women
who are too arrogant or greedy cannot be satisfied no matter how many jewelries
you give to them, so although generosity is always manifested in front of their
eyes, they cannot appreciate it and their hunger is not satisfied. Even if
Amida is a living, active Buddha, who extends His hand to you, still you refuse
it because you don’t get your special experiences.
Remember
that your unenlightened eyes and unenlightened mind can’t see what is above their level. As Shinran said:
“Although I, too,
am in Amida’s embracing Light,
My evil passions hinder me from perceiving it,
But His Light of
great compassion never ceases to shine on
me
untiringly."
Although
we cannot perceive it with our unenlightened eyes, Amida’s Light that we accept
in our minds and hearts through faith (shinjin) always shines upon us, keeping
us in its safe embrace (safe from wrong views, safe from falling again in
samsara, etc ):
“My eyes being hindered by blind passions,
I cannot perceive the Light that grasps me;
Yet the great compassion, without
tiring,
Illumines me always.”
So,
we cannot perceive various things nor feel special feelings because our mind is
still an ordinary mind until we are born in the Pure Land. Faith is NOT satori,
but it coexists with our unenlighted mind and its delusions and blind passions.
The
work of Amida’s Light is to sterilize our karmic seeds and make us being born
in His Pure Land, but this seems not enough for you because your hungry mind
wants to get its special feelings. Again,
abandon and let go to this hungry ghost attitude because there is no solution
to it and it will always make you feel that whatever Amida does for you is not
enough.
Accept
yourself for what you are – an ordinary person who, due to his karmic limitations,
cannot see more than what his flesh eyes are able to see. Then, base your faith
in Amida on the testimony of Shakyamuni Buddha and the Masters.
To
spend eons of time in spiritual laziness without practicing seriously so as to
develop special spiritual capacities to help you see far, then blaming Amida
for not doing more than His Primal Vow for you, that is, not doing more than
practicing many kalpas to create a special Pure Land for you, is the attitude
of an ungrateful hungry ghost who can miss the chance to be born in the Pure Land.
Amida is not far from you and is a living Buddha but you can easily come to
deny His existence and the testimony of Shayamuni due to your hungry ghost
mentality. Please come to your senses!
No
matter how many books I write or what our members say, unless you let go to
that hungry ghost spiritual mentality, nobody can help you. Being member in a
good sangha like Amidaji is not enough, too. One can stay hungry even in the
middle of a feast for his eyes are not able to appreciate the food.
Namo
Amida Bu,
Thank
you Amida, thank you Amida, thank you Amida!
Namo
Amida Bu
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