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My Dharma name is Shaku Shingyo. I am from Russia. I am a member of Amida-ji International Temple since I received kieshiki from my sensei Rev. Josho, back in June 2020.
My spiritual quest, which lasted almost 30 years, began in early childhood, when my inner world literally exploded when I accidentally got immersed in a kind of meditation, during which I realized that I am not a body. Since then, I started my search.
My first book was the New Testament, but the Christian concept of the soul gave no answers to the question "Who am I?". The spiritual understanding of "I" was akin to the very illusion that surrounded me. In an effort to understand how to overcome this frustration, to wake up and get out of it into the true Reality, I become absorbed in a maze of religious and philosophical systems, trying not to miss anything.
All the teachings I studied stated that this world was created by a certain deity. As time went by, I became more and more amazed at how terrible this imaginary Creator must be. If he were compassionate and enlightened, he would undoubtedly create an ideal world inhabited by ideal creatures. But, instead, I observed something very different: having created this terrible world full of pain, an imaginary deity, completely irresponsible, petty, and arrogant, either is simply amused by the suffering of living beings, or can no longer cope with his own creation. Or worse, the deity simply left the Universe to its fate. Looking at all the suffering of living beings, I could not understand how such a cruel world could be the creation of a good being. I wanted to escape from this world and to overcome this human cell at any cost and find a way that would take me beyond everything. Gradually it became my main goal in life and its main sense that motivated all my quests.
During my pursuits I studied and practiced many religions (Judaism,
Christianity, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Bahá'í, Manichaeism, Rose of the World,Gnosticism,
Vishnuism, Shaivism, Shaktism, Advaita, Hermeticism, Voodoo, Kemethism, Sumerian and Slavic paganism, and many others), until in the end, having
blamed all the guilt on the alleged tyrannical demiurge who supposedly
imprisoned living beings in this world, dreaming about the Pleroma of the
spiritual homeland, I focused on Christian Gnosticism. It seemed that this
teaching answered all my questions, but after many years of studying it, I saw
the worldliness of Pleroma (Arupaloka)
itself, its dependance. I seemed to have seen a majestic house, but when
I approached it, it turned out to be a mirage and the
desert appeared again.
Over all the time of my search I avoided Mahayana Buddhism for various
far-fetched reasons. In the fall of
2019, I came across Amidaji website quite accidentally and started studying
Jodo Shinshu, one of the schools of Japanese Buddhism.
I was amazed by the Buddha's teachings, which literally opened my eyes. I realized that all my search, all my
discoveries were, in fact, mind games. It is difficult to escape from this
completely senseless, vast world, not
because it is supposedly a creation of a fictional tyrant, which in fact turns
out to be an ordinary preta, but because this world was born of our ignorance
and blind passions. With this realization, theodicy's burden seemed to have
dissolved for me, the veil fell, and then I saw for the first time the real me:
blinded, filled with all sorts of passions, illusions, and delusions that
deeply penetrated into me and gave rise to many wrong views, passionate
desires, affections. Having looked deep
into myself, I understood that having
such a load to carry, not knowing what will
happen to me in a minute and where death will drag me, I am unable to break out
of this cell or to reach any spiritual realization and find enlightenment.
But in the midst of all this horror, I saw the hand of Amitabha Buddha reaching out to me, and His
Original Vow was so simple and at the same time completely different,
otherworldly, infinitely superior to any force. Without playing any stupid
games, He wanted only one thing: to save me as I
am, and lead me to Buddhahood. And by becoming a Buddha I can help everyone
else who is still in the dungeon of sansara.
It changed my whole world completely, and I realized that this is exactly
what I have been looking for all my life. All my doubts were immediately
dispelled and suddenly I clearly saw that the whole meaning of
Enlightenment for me is to realize the fact that I will not be able to achieve
it by my own forces. In order to get out of Samsara, I
needed a Different Power, and in all the conceivable and unthinkable worlds,
there is only one such Power: Amida Buddha.
It was a complete surrender of the "I" before the Ultramundane
Wisdom.
In the gloomy darkness of sansara, I saw the unhindered light of Amida Buddha. Joy overwhelmed me. I cried and laughed like a child, constantly repeating the Nembutsu. Amazing, Incomprehensible Faith, which came at that moment was not mine and not the result of my efforts. It was His Gift, a gratuitous helping hand to one who was sinking hopelessly in the ocean of Samsara, and without Him, I would be doomed. Now, after hearing Amida's Call and clinging to His sleeve, I return home and I need nothing more but Him, the original teacher and the original Buddha for all other Buddhas. He is not some fictional creator of the world. He is not a dying and resurrecting savior prone to emotions, nor a cruel prophet, nor a judge, nor an indifferent god, nor a deity playing games with living beings, nor a divine warrior or a vengeful apocalyptic destroyer. He is a true transcendental Buddha, filled with the greatest compassion and Ultimate Wisdom, who manifested the Pure Land with his Highest Enlightenment. He saves everyone without making absolutely any difference between people. For his Unhindered Light there are no obstacles or distances, and any darkness simply disappears in His presence. Having trusted Him, having said His name and wishing to be born in His Pure Land, I will definitely find myself there. All I can do is answer with gratitude: Namo Amida Butsu! My wanderings are over, but the journey to the Pure Land on the Ship of the Primal Vow is just beginning.
I am immensely grateful to Master Founder Shinran Shonin and other teachers for
guiding me to the Primal Vow with the greatest compassion. I am immensely
grateful to my Sensei, Honorable Josho Adrian, for his hard work and guidance.
I am very grateful to be a member of the Amidaji International Temple Sangha!
NamoAmida Bu!
"Truly this world is a prison-house
and the Pure Land is our true country. We should, therefore, make haste to
dislike and escape from this prison-house and turn to our true country of the
Pure Land".
Master Genshin
“With your whole heart look forward
expectantly to birth in the Pure Land, worship and bear in mind the Buddha of
Infinite Light, and don’t think about anything else, nor perform any other
spiritual practices.”
Honen
Shonin.
“In this fleeting world - this burning
house - all matters without exception are empty and false, totally without
truth and sincerity. The Nembutsu alone is true and real."
Shinran
Shonin.
“A loyal retainer will not serve two
masters; a faithful wife will not take a second husband.”
Rennyo Shonin.
In the same way, I forever entrust myself to Amida
Buddha.
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