Amidaji members: Joshin Dave Kruemcke

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(video: Joshin Dave Kruemcke declaring his allegiance to Jodo Shinshu Amidaji)

I was born at midnight. September 15, 1960 in Herman Hospital in Houston, Texas.

My father was a professional engineer, my mother a "homemaker". We moved to a Southwest suburb of Sharpstown when I was 3 years old. I was born into a very strict Southern Baptist family.

My father was a very passive-aggressive man. Hugging me one minute, beating me with whatever he could get his hands on the next.

My mother was a complete trainwreck. She had severe mental problems and was more of a hysterical child than a mature, responsible adult. She would sob like a baby constantly.

My sister was 9 years older than me and was spoiled and narcissistic with an explosive personality. She would constantly torment and blow up at me and was forever creating unrest and drama in the household.

As for me...I never felt truly loved or accepted for who I was and felt like nothing I ever said or did was ever good enough. I hated my family for this and rebelled. Even though I hated them, there was also a very disfunctional kind of love we had for one another.

My parents said they hated me and wanted me to move out. But every time I tried to leave they would cry and go into hysterics and do anything they could to guilt me into staying. This insanity went on until I approached the age of 29. It was then I told my parents that I was either going to move out or murder them in their sleep. I told them they weren't worth my going to prison for their death.

So I left home...knowing nothing about living on my own or how to be an adult. Life was brutal and filled with bad luck and misery. Even though I can now look back on this period as my past karma playing itself out in my life...at the time I thought the capricious, angry god I was raised to believe in was punishing me for not being someone other than myself.

It was during this time that I was even more determined to find "the truth" that would set me free. So I went the full gamut of searching Christianity, the occult, new age and finally Eastern Religions.

It was during this time I was drawn to Buddhism.

I started as a Zen practicioner. I shaved my head, went to zen temples and was as disusted by the hipocrisy there as I had previously experienced in Christian churches (both Protestant and Catholic).

I then joined a Nichiren Buddhist cult known as Sokka Gakkai International. It was a cult based on mind control and overcharging members for substandard altar and religious objects.

After that...I came under the tutelage of a Vietnamese, Mahyanna monk. But I left due to the racist attitudes of the members toward me, becaused I happened not to be Vietnamese.

It was around that time that I was eating at a Chinese, vegetarian buffet, that I came across a pamphlet distributed by a Shan Tao (Pure Land) Buddhist organization in both English and Chinese.

I began reciting Namo Amituofo (Chinese version of Amitabha Buddha's name).

I recited it constantly. I listened to it played repeatedly on my ipod. I had a small, plastic chanting machine that played it all of the time when I was home,

It was around that time that I discovered Paul Robert's Yahoo group trueshinbuddhism@yahoogroups.com. I began to listen (read) to and participate in the online discussions there.

It wasn't long after joining Paul's group that I received what is known in Jodo Shinshu Buddhism (the Buddhism of Robert's online group) as "the one-thought moment of Shinjin".

This Shinjin was the realization that Amitabha Buddha and his Pure Land were real. And if they were real...then I too was surely to be born in that Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss and Peace. Never before had I felt such joy, becauseI realized that I had finally found what I had been searching for my entire life. This Shinjin (also known as Simple Faith) is a direct knowing that will never leave me. This I know as it only gets stronger and more settled in my heart and mind as time goes by.

Now I say the name of Amitabha (Amida) Buddha as a form of worship and gratitude for the wonderful gift of salvation that he has granted me. And I know that this is his gift and not something that I could ever achieve on my own.

Namo Amida Bu

Dave Kruemcke (Shaku Joshin)