I was a "good" Buddhist

Many Buddhist practitioners are like a man staring at the sun, but with his body in a hole full of excrement.

Here the sun represents the ideal – Buddhahood to be attained through his own power. This ideal is of course very beautiful and the practitioner always likes to stare at it and to take delight in many beautiful words about Enlightenment, emptiness, Buddha-nature, that we are all Buddhas-to-be, etc. The hole with excrement is his true reality in the here and now, his deep karmic evil, his limitations, attachments and blind passions that cover all his body and mind.

However, he likes to dream about Enlightenment: he even thinks that this is something that can be attained in this very life. After all, we all have Buddha-nature, don’t we? …

And this dream continues as he practices in self-power for 20, 30, 40 years or more, until he finally dies like an ordinary unenlightened person, going to the next life with all his karma, attachments and his so-called “merits” accumulated in this life. 

 

I often meet with people that talk a lot about the fact that we all have Buddha-nature and because of this there is nothing that we have left to do but just realize this truth in our minds. They are always full of wise quotes by Buddhist masters and sages of the past from various schools, about Buddha-nature, emptiness, etc. Usually such people try many types of practices, always going here and there, never being totally satisfied with any school or teacher. “I’m still searching”, they say, always feeling comfortable with this searching, behaving as though they have all the time in the world. They enjoy good books and good meditation until they suddenly die. I said that they “suddenly die” because when death comes to them is like a surprise. In fact, they never seriously think about death: this is why they enjoy their “searching” for truth and the right practice. 

 

If they were really aware of the inevitability of their own death and impermanence, the next step would be to ask themselves in what state of mind death will find them if it comes not tomorrow, but today, at this very hour and second. If they were to ask themselves this question, then they could feel the smell of the excrement they are in and awaken from the self-satisfying dream of beautiful words about Enlightenment. 

 

I myself was a “good” Buddhist, staring at the sun until the awareness of my own death and impermanence hit me so powerfully and awoke me from my dream of self-satisfaction. I suddenly became aware not only of the fragility of my life, but also of the fragility and impermanence of my practice based on personal power. In that moment I abandoned myself and took refuge in Amida. Since then, I cannot deceive myself with my spiritual “realizations”. 

 

I imagine myself as a man lying helplessly in a deep and dark ravine with walls so steep and slippery that they cannot be climbed given my weak body. A good man sees me and throws a strong rope to me. But being so weak, I cannot climb myself on it, so he tells me just to tie myself to this strong rope and let myself to be lifted by him. He tells me not to be afraid and to have full trust in him. I do this immediately and I am finally released from the dark ravine. 

 

This dark ravine in which I was lying helplessly is samsara (the world of birth and death), the good man is Amida Buddha and the rope is His Primal Vow through which He tries to help me. His intention is not to have a good chat with me about emptiness or Buddha-nature, or encourage me to climb by myself up the steep and slippery walls, because He realizes that I definitely cannot do this. His only intention is to save me immediately, without delay and in this very moment. He even says to me: “I beg you, take this rope, take it immediately, there is no time!” This is what we mean when we talk about Amida Buddha’s call. 

 

The rope is so well secured that I only need to let my body be raised by it – I do not need to climb myself on it. You probably know the kind of ropes that are launched from helicopters when injured people are saved from various dangerous situations – these kinds of ropes are made so that injured persons can be lifted up to safety, they do not need to climb themselves on it.

To hear Amida’s call is to listen to the teaching, that is, to the intention of His Primal Vow. To let myself be lifted by the rope dropped to me by Him is shinjin (entrusting to His Primal Vow) and also Nembutsu – “yes, I rely on you and I am grateful that you have saved me.” Entrusting myself to Amida Buddha and being grateful to Him is Namo Amida Butsu. This how I understand the Jodo Shinshu teaching.